You know when they say that, ‘love is a drug’? For many of us this becomes a reality after a break up.
It most definitely is but quite specifically, it is an addiction.
Therefore during ‘withdrawal’, (break up), we start to act out of character similar to a drug addicts’. We destabilize trying to nurse the barren memories of a failed love.
The best we can do is avoid the heart-wrenching reality.
But if only love and sleep were kind enough.
Instead, you’ll only wake up to the same reality.
From most case studies, heartbreak can be exhausting. It is a real physiological phenomenon that almost feels like a physical illness with a risk factor for depression.
With that consideration, the following is a list of steps to take to get over a break up, with an honest assessment of how each step has worked for most-none of them involve sad movies in your pajamas, sobbing in a bowl and a chocolate binge.
1. First Know it’s Okay to rely on Friends
When your self-esteem meter is low, these are people who can help remind you of your self-worth and what you deserve.
Let them appreciate you and show you that you still matter. It always helps to be a little vulnerable sometimes and only when you come to terms with that, do you start to grow or heal.
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2. Re-discover Old Interests
What hobbies or passions were pushed aside trying to make room for your significant other?
Reignite your old flames because it allows you to build your own identity all over again.
Before you try new things as a whole other step to healing, remember there was this other happy, single and free you in love with other activities.
Nothing screams a match to your identity than what you fell in love with when you had time for yourself.
3. Try Therapy Sessions to Get Over a Break Up
Even the simplest things might seem so hard to do when you are in a bad mental state.
Everything feels like a violation of all the proper laws of life; that they should align with your emotions.
At this point, you might feel stuck or more confused and clouded with sadness. Therapy then becomes an option.
Look for patterns in all of your relationships; between you and your friends, family… and while you focus, therapy might actually help
They say it takes a traumatic event to effect a meaningful change and this might be it. You just need help figuring out how since your mind and its judgement is clouded.
4. Write Down Your Thoughts
It can be a journal or letters to your ex that you don’t actually send.
This is my personal recommendation that really works in most aspects of my life.
Write what you feel; write like your ex is actually listening so be open with what you would have liked to tell them; write about how it’s affecting you.
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Do it as often as you are able to, e.g. weekly or daily if you have a wild and very busy thought process like I do, because every day is whole new perspective about something.
It keeps a record of your emotions and how they shift therefore keeping a track of that is recommended.
Mind you, it has nothing to do with getting back with him/her, rather, it’s getting closure on your own and having a healthy place to vent.
Join volunteering activities and actually be a part of it that it becomes what you only think of.
It helps to get your head out of your problems and feel good about yourself and help others willingly. More satisfaction and less over thinking is a need.
6. Social Media Detox
To millennials and gen-z, we know you stalk.
Now it’s not just enough to unfollow your ex because it does not rid him/her from you social media. Limit the time you spend on it since as much as you will be in denial of this, you will be tempted to internet-stalk.
Try to busy yourself with the aforementioned steps.
Going back to check what they are up to is going to overwhelm you and you might end up trying to contact them.
So keep yourself in the dark about them till you are in a good headspace to choose what’s good for you.
7. List All Negative Qualities
This is when you keeping thinking of your ex and their perfections and how much you belonged.
Compile a list of all the ways this person was not good for you, every annoying quality, every disagreeable character that passed off as dismissed and probably how you had to minimize your feelings to spare theirs.
Keep referring to that list and your brain will play along and slowly fall out of love with this person.
Basically, you stop missing them as you do not wish to be involved with that which is in the list.
8. No Rebounds
Most rebounds are due to the high we want to have a place to put and remain distracted temporarily. They mostly end up with guilt-laden feelings as the other person went in it having invested so much while yours was more like an impulsive decision.
It’s like a quick fix that wears off. Much distractions are not always bad, except this one ends up with much more at stake especially feelings.
9. Cut Ties
Lewandowski says, ‘it would be really hard to be good at your new job if you’re still worrying about what’s going on at your old job.’
You want your next relationship with yourself or another partner to be successful, then don’t obsess over your previous relationship,
And I mean the, ‘I need closure’ talks ever so often.
Keeping in touch prolongs the heartache and delays the healing process.
10. Give Yourself Time to Get Over A Break Up
Give yourself three months. What makes the whole process unbearable is the fact that it feels like it will never end.
‘Journal of positive psychology’ says that most people take just three months. You will find yourself agreeing with the new positive you that you are making. You will find easier to relate with ‘I’ve grown so much’.
Allowing yourself time to get in touch with your emotions in a slow and reasonable fashion helps a lot when trying to get over a break up.
Gary Lewandowsky, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Manmouth University said on TED talk, ‘break ups don’t have to leave you broken.’
That just calls for self-rediscovery in a million ways. Because, excuse me, you deserve it!